Uni(n)formed Myths

I have ‘multiple personality disorder’ in the mornings. For starters, I am a connoisseur of the fine arts and fine coffee/tea, lending an ear to that perfect piece of music playing on the radio while sipping my cuppa. Followed by being a fierce bulldog, protecting my claim to the newspaper with my life (No, I have NOT finished reading it, rowrrr….woof). It’s hard work, these speedy personality switches spanning a broad evolutionary timeframe. But mornings are such, that in spite of not having the time to do so, I am forced to spend some time thinking about suitable attire for the office. On most days, I dearly wish I had a uniform to wear to work. It would have been so honest, so easy, so predictable and regular (some say so boring), so…..uniform, and oh so efficient.

The thought of uniforms evoke contrasting feelings in me. On the one hand, they remind me of my school days- irresponsible, irreverent, and all that sort of thing. On the other, the discipline of the forces comes to mind- efficiency and courage.

There is much that is written, filmed, screened and discussed regarding those uniformed and in the business of security. We can divide all that into two parts- the truth, and day to day expectation and perception (DDP) of the general public in “civil dress”. I have come to the grim (but useful) realization that some of DDPs regarding uniformed people might be myths, and the truth, far, far away.

DDP No. 1: High officials in the military lead from the front.

I am ever grateful to my classmate, Sanjay Thapa, for this dazzling insight.

Me: Sanjay, so what are your plans for the future?

ST: I want to join the army, get promoted to a very high rank, participate in many wars and win them, but never, ever, go to the war front.

Me: I see you have lofty ambitions, but isn’t it the leader’s duty to lead from the front at the front?

ST: Can you deny that there is more time and resources spent in developing, say, a general, than on a foot soldier?

Me: Not at all.

ST: So, you see, the Government spends a bomb on developing and training the leaders. Of what use would all that investment be if I went to war and got killed at the front, trying to lead from the front? I might as well lead from the back!

Me (thinking): I wish I could attribute this proof to myself.

DDP No. 2: The security guard stationed outside the building can help you with directions to that other place you are trying to reach.

How often have you been lost on a street, looking for that building that you need to reach in the next 10 minutes? And how often have you asked the security guards standing outside for directions? Chances are, you have done it a few times.

A typical day in the life of your normal security guard would begin with getting on a bus to his or her place of work. Can you imagine mentally cataloguing the names of streets (assuming you are lucky enough to be able to see through the bus window, and assuming that the street names are declared on boards), buildings (assuming you can see them behind that wall or that canopy of trees) and offices (if there is power and if the neon signs are alight) whilst standing on one foot in an overcrowded public transport bus, hanging on for dear life, living through the daily suspense thriller of whether you would report for work on time? To the well trained management mind, the phrase “too many assumptions” pops up like a windows error message with a maddening “tunk”. Also, does that word, famously declared not present in Napoleon’s (a uniformed leader, mind you) dictionary, “impossible” spring to your mind?

Plus, these guards are the one set of people who are least likely to have even walked around on that street- they are hired to keep watch at one particular location (remember?). Not to mention that these people might not even be from the same city that they work in.

Seems like reality and me took the roads that diverged in a wood, and several other perceptions of mine regarding even the (lesser) para-uniformed forces such as bus conductors and auto drivers have taken similar beatings. But I leave them for another blog post, it’s time to defend my claim over the newspaper….grworrrrrr…..